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PARENTS: MENTORS NOT FRIENDS
The “Just Say No” debate continues with two eminent child
psychologists separately warning parents not to try to be their
children’s best friends.
Psychologist Aric Sigman, interviewed by Blake Morrison in The
Guardian, talks of his impatience with political correctness, loathing
words like ‘empowerment’ and ‘quality time’. When he hears
celebrities saying: “My kids are my best friends” he wants to scream.
“They can’t be. It’s simply biologically impossible.” Or, when a
parent with a badly behaved child shrugs and says: “What can you
do,” he wants to tell them to pull their finger out and take charge.
Children are programmed to be demanding but
they have to learn they can’t have everything
Children, he explains: “are programmed to be demanding but they
have to learn they can’t have everything. It’s about saying no and
being prepared to face the unpleasantness that goes with it. Many
parents these days are afraid their children won’t like them unless
they acquiesce to them.”
Dr Michael Carr-Gregg, Australia’s eminent psychologist, is saying
much the same thing. Lecturing to child care professionals in the
UK this year, he also dispelled the myth that being your child’s best
friend was beneficial. His message was clear: “If you don’t upset
your teenage son or daughter at least three times a month by
saying no, you are not doing a good job as a parent.”
However, the two experts differ in their opinions on the benefits
and dangers of Information Technology. Whereas Carr-Gregg
works with parents to ensure that they protect their children whilst
embracing the benefits of the Information Technology revolution,
Sigman only allows his children to use communal computers
“for 10-20 minutes every couple of weeks.” He believes that
“programmes such as Teletubbies hinder children’s language
acquisition … and their addiction to the internet, Facebook,
Playstations etc are wrecking their moral development.”
If you don’t upset your teenage son or daughter at
least three times a month by saying no, you are
not doing a good job as a parent
Carr-Gregg instead urges parents to: “venture into the online world
inhabited by their children and get in touch with their day-to-day
lives.” He warns that few parents would let their children wander
the streets at all hours or meet with strangers but many allow their
children to do similar and more on the internet without even leaving
their bedrooms.
What is evident is that there is a growing desire to return to
providing children with a secure childhood where “parents act
as guides and mentors, not friends.”
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